May Contain Peanuts

Check Yo' Self

I am a big fan of the self check-out aisles in grocery stores. It is very quick and easy and can even help save some embarrassment when all you are buying is a box of tampons or some wart cream (just examples, not experiences). However, due to the technological nature of this process, the self-check is not for everyone. I wish I could stress this more to shoppers everywhere. Just because the line self-check line is open and available, it is not the most convenient option.

I don't want this to sound like a corny Foxworthy rip-off, but I would like to make a few assertions. If you still have a VCR as your main platform of video entertainment, then the SCO (self check-out) is NOT for you. If you have no idea what email is, SCO is NOT for you. If you have trouble lifting items or locating bar codes on packages, SCO is NOT for you. If you have a basket full of produce or non-bar-coded items and do not work in a produce or produce supplying industry, the SCO is not for you. If you have a full shopping cart of items (shit, a shopping cart alone and not just a basket) and do not have a complete set of octopus arms, the SCO is not for you. This list could keep going for a while.

The point is, those SCOs are convenient because it allows for the more tech-savvy of us to speed in and out of a store without complications. Notice that these stores still have plenty of actual manned aisles that provide full service for its customers. Most people know their role and will choose aisles accordingly. I rarely see an elderly person in the SCO. The most common offenders are the late aged housewife or immigrant worker who unfortunately pays with single dollar bills, loaded one by one into the bill acceptor. Yes, it is a bit of a stereotype, but the technological know-how for efficient use of one of the machines just isn't there. Sure, they can fumble through it and will eventually see a receipt print out, but the rest of us could have all gone through in that same amount of time (us being the inevitable line forming behind them).

In this society of warning labels for hot coffee, I feel there should be a sign under the SCO aisle numbers explaining that they are not for everybody and to please use these only if properly prepared to do so. I don't want to be a complete elitist, we all have our gaffes with these things now and again, but it should not take more than 5 minutes to complete the check out. If it does, you have picked the wrong aisle. I think people have an awareness of their technical prowess and should be able to decide where they should go. It is just that allure of speed and anonymity that draws them to the SCO. But like iPhones or HDTV installations, this technology may be a bit too advanced for some. Either educate yourself, or let somebody else do it for you. Just please spare me from my 10 minute wait for buying some milk.