Check Yo' Self

I am a big fan of the self check-out aisles in grocery stores. It is very quick and easy and can even help save some embarrassment when all you are buying is a box of tampons or some wart cream (just examples, not experiences). However, due to the technological nature of this process, the self-check is not for everyone. I wish I could stress this more to shoppers everywhere. Just because the line self-check line is open and available, it is not the most convenient option.

I don't want this to sound like a corny Foxworthy rip-off, but I would like to make a few assertions. If you still have a VCR as your main platform of video entertainment, then the SCO (self check-out) is NOT for you. If you have no idea what email is, SCO is NOT for you. If you have trouble lifting items or locating bar codes on packages, SCO is NOT for you. If you have a basket full of produce or non-bar-coded items and do not work in a produce or produce supplying industry, the SCO is not for you. If you have a full shopping cart of items (shit, a shopping cart alone and not just a basket) and do not have a complete set of octopus arms, the SCO is not for you. This list could keep going for a while.

The point is, those SCOs are convenient because it allows for the more tech-savvy of us to speed in and out of a store without complications. Notice that these stores still have plenty of actual manned aisles that provide full service for its customers. Most people know their role and will choose aisles accordingly. I rarely see an elderly person in the SCO. The most common offenders are the late aged housewife or immigrant worker who unfortunately pays with single dollar bills, loaded one by one into the bill acceptor. Yes, it is a bit of a stereotype, but the technological know-how for efficient use of one of the machines just isn't there. Sure, they can fumble through it and will eventually see a receipt print out, but the rest of us could have all gone through in that same amount of time (us being the inevitable line forming behind them).

In this society of warning labels for hot coffee, I feel there should be a sign under the SCO aisle numbers explaining that they are not for everybody and to please use these only if properly prepared to do so. I don't want to be a complete elitist, we all have our gaffes with these things now and again, but it should not take more than 5 minutes to complete the check out. If it does, you have picked the wrong aisle. I think people have an awareness of their technical prowess and should be able to decide where they should go. It is just that allure of speed and anonymity that draws them to the SCO. But like iPhones or HDTV installations, this technology may be a bit too advanced for some. Either educate yourself, or let somebody else do it for you. Just please spare me from my 10 minute wait for buying some milk.

OK OJ

I am not a coffee drinker. For some reason, it is just not that appealing to me. I do not drink tea or any other caffeinated drink to get me going. Instead, I rely on a nice, tall glass of orange juice every morning to be my breakfast beverage. I love a good glass of OJ, especially on the occasion I can get it freshly squeezed. So, being a daily imbiber, I can tell when my OJ is good or not and when something is off.

Such is the case when we start getting into the many variations of orange juice available from many of the national suppliers. My preferred brand is Simply Orange, but Tropicana and even Minute Maid are good alternatives. I get mine sans pulp (easier to throw back quick) but I dont mind pulpy juice (re: fresh squeezed). However, it seems that the new trend among these big brands is to add vitamins, minerals or other adjustments to lure in the health conscious consumers. First of all, I'm pretty sure OJ is pretty healthy on its own, with plenty of its own vitamins for your health. But secondly, and my main beef, is that these additives or variations greatly impact the taste of the juice. As I said, I love a good glass of OJ and I know what it should taste like; delicious. Adding Vitamin D, E, or Calcium gives the juice an odd twinge, maybe even an alkaline taste that just puts me off. Understandably, the 'low acid' version also has a less desirable taste, almost dulling the orange flavor.

In my opinion, if you want extra vitamins and minerals, take a pill. Hell, take it with your OJ in the morning, but don't mix it into my juice. I think it is more of a marketing concept, adding vitamins and minerals, or labeling the juice as 'kid friendly' with these additives, but I feel like it affects the taste too much. Obviously they wouldn't make these items if they didn't sell, but let's realize what's what. Orange juice by itself is great enough, nature's goodness. It doesn't need to be modified. Just squeeze the orange into my glass and let me drink it. I will worry about getting my RDA of Vitamin B12 on my own.

I won't even bother discussing juice from concentrate.