May Contain Peanuts

Push a push-pop!

Most of us remember this tag line from the ad wizards who came up with the commercials for Push pops in the 90's (or was it 80's?). More of us just remember the tasty on-the-go treat that is Push pops. They are the lollipops that were in a little tube that had a dust and other junk preventing cap that made it the perfect candy to take along in one's pocket, pack or marsupial sack. The cap even had a little pen clip on the top so if you happened to be pocket free that day, you could attach it to your sleeve/collar/flap of choice and keep the sugary goodness with you.

These candies were great and very popular among the kid folk. The flavors were great, the thing lasted an eternity and did I mention the convenience factor? Great piece of sugar stick there. Except for one thing. Well, one major design flaw. See, the candy is shaped like a cylinder. It gets pushed from the bottom. Therefore, the consumption method is a top-down lick around. One licks around the top and eventually the cylinder erodes down until the goo is gone. In one's mind, there doesn't seem to be a problem with this. Well, until you actually attempt it. Instead of eroding downward gradually, what happens instead is that the candy erodes into a cone shape.

(thank you google images)

Now, do you see that point at the top of the cone? Now imagine that cylinder being taller than it is wide (h>r). What this point becomes is a mouth stabbing dagger of flavored sugar. This point fits perfectly in the roof of your mouth or in between your teeth (again, how convenient!). I loved push pops, but I would always end up with some sort of puncture wound by the time I was finished with one. You may say, well, just bite the point off, then you have a flat nub to start on again. Yes, that is correct. But then you get to chew this corn syrup glass shard and hope it doesn't get stuck in one of your many cavities (pun?) and cause more damage. Just spit it out then! Well, that's a design flaw if I ever saw one, now isn't it.

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This post is a call for a new Push pop. A push pop for the kids with gentle mouths (that sounds gross, get your minds out of the gutter). No more sugar swords! Give me a portable pop that won't deter me from eating spicy or hot foods afterwards. Perhaps make the core of this pop melt in your mouth so you never get that point of doom. Candy is for smiles, not tears.