May Contain Peanuts

Why is underwear white?

It's a simple question, but one without a clear answer. Honestly, all the things that underwear is keeping from seeping onto your nice outer layer of clothing is not white (well, maybe one thing, but you shouldn't have underwear on at that point anyway). It is inevitable to end up with some sort of stain in these undergarments. Is the point of these articles being white to make it more evident? A sort of time-to-change indicator that makes a stain painfully obvious?

Thinking logically, it was most likely the cheapest and simplest color for a clothing manufacturer to produce and since it is not actually seen (or at least shouldn't be seen), the color did not really matter. Thinking morally, white is associated with purity and innocence, hence covering up your naughty bits with a swath of white could help the sinners ease their mind. Thinking practically, however, it doesn't compute. Do I want to be shamelessly aware of the remnants of my excrement? Do I need that clear of indication that it is time to change into something fresher? This may make sense for young ones in training, who are new to the underwear game, but I think even by early childhood, the concept of changing one's drawers is understood.

Perhaps I am too judgmental. It is a societal acceptance and expectation that underwear is white. If I were to say, picture a man in his underwear, you would most likely (I hope) picture a guy in a pair of whitey tighties and maybe a white t-shirt. This being the fact, we all know how hard it is to go against convention. There is a wide variety available of colors and patterns available nowadays, now that dye and colored fabrics are a bit cheaper to produce. Still, the majority of your standard underwear is pure cotton white.

I think what it boils down to (there's a pun in there somewhere) is that I don't need to be reminded of my body's minor failings of natural procedures. Nobody appreciates a skidmark and nothing makes it more evident than a white background. It is certainly embarrassing for myself, let alone if a third party were to observe such an atrocity. Is it too much to ask for maybe a tinted insert that doesn't make the inside of these undergarments look like a sepia toned art palette? That way you can keep your pristine white on the outside and not be subjected to an earth-toned Jackson Pollock waiting for you on the inside.