Yeah, I do, thanks for reminding me. The title of this entry is taken from a recent commercial pitching "5 hour energy". For those unfamiliar with the product, it is a small vial of liquid that is mostly caffeine, dosed in an amount that is supposed to give you that jolt of energy to get you through the next 5 hours. Since it doesn't require sugary water to make it drinkable like the other energy drinks, it claims to not have that 'sugar crash' that is common with the alternatives. This is the main selling point.
I am not questioning the validity of their claim. Caffeine seems to help millions of people everyday, and despite the fact that I do not drink coffee or tea in the morning, I know I could call upon a cup if I really need the help. So, great, the product does what it claims. My beef is with whoever directed the 'star' of their commercial to come off as a complete dickface that I would rather punch than buy vials of drugs from. The guy himself looks like a regular young office worker, completely nonthreatening. However, as soon as he starts talking, you can taste the smug, impish arrogance through the TV screen. Every line he delivers is accompanied by a slight s
mirk and a slight tilt of the head. Not major, but enough to notice and enough to rile up my violent tendencies. The way the ad is written doesn't help, either. Yes, we know what 2:30 feels like (smirktilt), and 3:30 (smirktilt) AND 4:30 (GODDAMN SMIRKTILT). Don't talk to me like I am a child you smirky fartsniffer, just sling me some uppers and get off my TV!OK, I will calm down. But seriously, it is sad when the advertisement for a company's product does more damage than the product itself. But maybe we've all been swindled and aggravating through advertisement is actually an ingenious way of keeping the product in our thoughts. No, there is a line. Thought-provoking or near-obnoxious ads keep products in our heads, but ads that push the limits of my patience will immediately deter me from said new product. For products I already know and love, zany ads don't matter much. But if you're trying to sell me something new, don't make me hate it before I even get it in my hands.
In closing, thank you 5-hour energy for making me clench my fists every time I see 2:30 appear on the clock in my office. The same goes for 3:30 and 4:30. It's not enough that the day can certainly drag at those points, but now I have the mental image of some twerp smirking and tilting his head at me in that knowing, condescending manner whose only natural response is a knuckle sandwich to be served on a tray that is his face. Way to sell.
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UPDATE: The Consumerist and many others agree that this 5 hour energy guy is one of the worst characters of the year. http://consumerist.com/2010/09/vote-here-for-worst-ad-in-america-2010.html. Also, the heads over there at 5HE must have got the notice too, as their new commercials are basically a revamped version of the old guy, but far less annoying.
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