May Contain Peanuts

Home sweet home

I have been doing a bit of traveling lately, which will be my main excuse for the recent lack of postings here. I spent some nights in nice hotel rooms as well as a few on couches of good friends. I felt I was due a good spot of vacation, some time away from my daily routine and work schedules. I did have a great time whilst away, seeing sights and enjoying things that I don't normally do. I also got to visit with friends I have not seen in quite a while. Just what I needed, right? Well, after about the fourth day out, I began to conjure wishes of being back in my own house, back to my familiar surroundings. There wasn't a certain thing in particular that drove my desires, but rather I just wanted to be back inside my sphere of comfort, of the known and familiar that I am accustomed to in my day to day life. I didn't want to actually go home, I just wanted that feeling of home to be there with me.

I thought about it more as the few days passed, and I couldn't understand why I thought the way I did. I fully enjoyed being out and about; I enjoyed new experiences and meeting new people. During these times, the above was not a problem. The problem came in those down-times between events, the time when I was left on my own to think (or sleep). No matter how nice a hotel room is or how nice a place your friend has, it just cannot give the comfort of the place you call home. This might be the definition of homesickness, but when I hear that word, I think of a kid at summer camp who is having a miserable time and just wants to go home. I, on the other hand, was having a blast and wanted to do more. It was only in those times of lull that those empty feelings set in, longing for my own haven that I am used to everyday.

Perhaps this is normal, to desire to be in that most comfortable place, a circle of safety and ease. I realize those 'down-times' I mentioned earlier are just reflections of the 'down-times' I spend in my home, alone with my thoughts. It is my space and I have no anxieties or worries when in my own surroundings. While I am in a foreign place, I will be faced with certain anxieties, small as they may be, that inhibit the comfort that my own home could offer.

I guess my big question is whether my current lifestyle is the central reason why I feel this way. I am sure there are seasoned travelers out there who rarely see their own homes and function perfectly well at all times when wandering the earth. Does the fact that I have a daily routine of work, eating, and household activities really affect my attitude toward traveling? Shouldn't I be able to separate those feelings, knowing what I am doing and when I will be returning? Maybe I am just a homebody who can act like a voyager now and again. Or maybe these feelings are perfectly normal and the desire to be in one's 'home' is just a natural condition of our existence. Of course there are the essentials to surviving such as food, water and shelter; needed for physical well-being, but I think we also must be aware of items that are essential to one's emotional well-being. These would be things like 'home' and friends and family. These things give comfort and assurance, and can be a foundation for emotional stability.

Maybe that's all I was searching for while I was wandering around, a reminder of that stability that awaits me when I return. My brain could only process so many new experiences and people before it had to stop and refuel on the assurances and permanence of the thought of the comforts of home. Being in the transient state of travel, not having my own sanctuary, I needed that knowledge that if I really needed to, I could leave at any point and return to my safe place.

This all sounds a bit more exaggerated than it really is. I was never in that bad a state of mind that it affected my attitude or behavior. Rather, it was almost a subconscious notion that was just there in the back of my thoughts. But as miniscule as the worries were, it was always comforting to know that I did have a place for myself that I could return to. My home is not only the place where I reside, it is in itself an idea that can bring peace of mind. It is a vision of comfort that can relieve the mind of the weariest of travelers.