Rrrumble...

I'm hungry and the cabinets are near empty. Just hot sauce and cornstarch. I think it's time to take a trip to the grocery store. Which one shall I go to? Let me narrow it down by saying this: I will not be going to Whole Foods. No Whole Foods? Whaaa? But you're an up and coming professional, living a decent lifestyle in a growing neighborhood, or similar just-out-of-college types, and that Whole Foods is soo hot right now. F that. I'll stick to my Giant. Sure it's no where near as new or 'designed' or 'trendy', but at least they sell Gatorade!

I understand the whole 'organic' swing, with everyone being scared of chemicals and artificial, processed foodstuffs, but are those things really that bad? My Giant apples are delicious. Whole Foods apples are delicious. I can also get two Giant Apples for one WF apple. Is the 'organicness' that much better to deserve such a price hike? Maybe it is. I still like Lunchables. Give me processed.

I don't think my problem with places like Whole Foods is the food at all. I like fresh produce and nuts and cheeses and wines and baked goods, they're all great. So is the same things at other grocery stores. I think my problem is with the people that shop at places like WF. When I go to a Harris Teeter, I see all kinds of consumer types. Giant has a myriad of people standing in line. Same for Kroger, Safeway, etc. WF is different. Everyone is cut from the same cloth. It's the professional, do gooder, better than you type. Believe me. Fake smiles abound in that place. Yes, I am hating. There's a freakin Jamba Juice in that place. Starbucks would be acceptable, but a juice bar? I don't picture the common man venturing out to get a loaf of bread and thinking, "Gee, a guava passion fruit smoothie would be just delicious right now". Ok, that's a bit extreme, but it's true.

My argument really holds no water other than to let me vent on how much I dislike the place. Like any other specialty store, the place is going to have its own specific clientele. Places like WF cater to the health conscious upper middle class. They give the satisfaction of food that's 'good' for you. If you see a bag from Giant and a bag from WF, immediately you assume the bag from WF will hold better food.

The point I was trying to make is that WF and organics is not that much better, but I am doing a poor job of backing that up. You know what, who cares? Food is food, everyone needs it. As long as you're not hungry, then who cares. Eat what you like. Be fat, be trim, enjoy what you eat. Speaking of, I'm still hungry. A strawberry orange banana smoothie would be great right now...

Beep!

It's about 7:45 a.m. I'm in my car, driving to work. As is the case in any metropolitan area, I'm dealing with traffic. Here's a blatantly obvious statement: traffic blows. I am fortunate enough to be commuting in the opposite direction than the majority of the DC/Nova area traffic, but there's still plenty of cars on the roads. I am moving along, not sitting in line, which I am thankful for. However, I still have to deal with it. The worst part of it isn't the volume of cars on the road, but rather the assholes you have to deal with amidst the traffic. You know what I am talking about; the guys that tailgate you because you are leaving a 5 foot gap between you and the car in front of you instead of 5 inches; the guys that swerve in and out of lanes and cut you off to make it up 10 extra feet; and my personal favorite, the guys who make left turns right in the middle of the highways instead of going up to the turn lanes, thus backing up a lane of traffic for a mile and promoting the last second lane switching of those cars behind him.

Here is my helpful hint of the day: You will get where you're going soon enough. That extra 5 feet of inching forward may get you through that yellow light ahead, but you'll hit the next red, and I'll be right behind you again. That swerving in and out of lanes may get you to your place of labor a minute early. A MINUTE, NOT A HALF HOUR. Time may be precious or you may be late, but that's no need to be a dick driver. You know exactly when you're doing it, don't pretend you are innocent.

All these dick moves must stem from something. Something in human nature that doesn't like waiting in lines, that likes an unobstructed path from A to B without unforseen hindrances. What is it that makes us so impatient while waiting in traffic. I don't know about you, but bad driving sets me off almost immediately. I am shouting needlessly at the offenders inside my car, and somehow I feel better about it. Then I realize we're all gonna get there soon enough, and that karma is a stickler, and this dick will get his (or hers) in the end anyway.

Patience is a virtue and somehow it is very hard to come by when on the road. I think it is something to do with the idea of roads. You know the path, you know where you're going and how long it should be to traverse it. Anything to get in the way of that is a 'speed bump' (I'm hilarious) in that plan. I think our own self-importance clouds our recognization of PUBLIC roads. Everyone has their errands and places to be, none more important than the other. We all pay taxes, well, most of us do, therefore we have the right to the road. Unfortunately those who aren't payin those taxes usually are those same toyota tercel drivin idiots that piss me off in the first place, but that's another post. Anyways, my point is that traffic sucks, waiting sucks, but we must deal. Realize we're all gonna get where we're going, and that dick moves on the road may save you 5 seconds down the way, but it's gonna suck later when karma comes back and rear ends you.

Top o' the mornin'!

Hooray for Thanksgiving! Tomorrow I will stuff myself to the gills with your traditional delicious fare, then proceed to the couch to let my tryptophan soaked body pass the f out for a few great hours in front of a football game. Besides the delicious sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce and gravy smothered turkey, I must not leave out the special ingredient: alcohol. Nothing makes a family get together, or a big meal, (or both in this case) better than good old alcohol.

I assume many will be having a glass of wine or a nice dark beer with dinner. This is fine and dandy for the casual drinker, but I'm trying to keep my eyes blurred while shoving mashed potatoes in my mouth; you know, something that packs a punch. My libation of choice this year will be the mighty Mint Julep. I know, this isn't anywhere near horse race season, and who drinks mint drinks at Thanksgiving? Well I do. Why? It's frickin delicious. For bourbon lovers such as myself, this is the ultimate potent potable. Let's start off with the recipe:

Water
Sugar
Mint
Bourbon
Ice

That's it. Simple. Delicious. The only catch for this wonderment is the preparation. If you are butt lazy, which I usually am, you can mix these ingredients in a glass and muddle and drink. This is a waste. The true method takes a bit of time, but is well worth it.

To start, heat a large pot on the oven and fill with a ratio of about 1 to 1 cups of sugar to water. Boil with tons of fresh mint leaves in the pot (well, not tons, but plenty, enough to cover the pot). Muddle that around, and keep heating for about 10 - 15 minutes, until a syrup forms, and it gets sticky (finger tests work great). Let it cool for about 30 minutes. Now it gets messy. You need to squeeze all the syrup out of the pot, filtering all the mint leaves out of the syrup. You wont get it all out, this is ok, mint never hurt anyone (except for that one time in Baja California, but that's a different story). Squeeze as much as you can out and place it in a container. This is your mixer. When you are ready to imbibe, take out your favorite glass and fill it with ice. With your best bourbon, fill the glass with 5 parts of bourbon to 2 parts simply syrup. Yes, this drink is hefty on the booze. This ratio can be tinkered with to taste, but I find this ratio works just fine. The sugary syrup takes away the bite of the bourbon, and the mint just makes it that more refreshing.

There you go, the great Mint Julep. After two or three, that turkey will be up and dancing on the table. So, in recap, I am thankful for Thanksgiving, for time off work, for delicious food, for heavy drinking, for couches and televisions and Thanksgiving Day football, and most of all, bourbon (with mint and sugar).

Happy Turkey Day!

Sup,

For those of you unaware, we are currently right in the middle of the NFL season, this ending Week 11. This also means we are on the back half of the more important season, that being the fantasy football season. There has been a debate across the country as to the pros and cons of this great hobby of sports fans and coworkers across the land. The biggest factor being pressed against the great novelty that is 'fantasy' (this ranges in everything from hockey to golf to stock car racing) sports detract greatly from a given business' productivity. Instead of getting a leg ahead in a day's work, the fantasy football partaker is squandering precious minutes (or even hours) scouting players, checking and rechecking stats and talking trash to his fellow league members. This and the moral dejection of any type of gambling whatsoever are the main complaints against fantasy sports.

What the debate is leaving out I find is the sheer depression a failing fantasy league can bring upon a participant. Like any sport, fantasy leagues have winners and losers. In a given fantasy football season, a player has 15-17 opportunities to win or lose. In a league where trash talk and competitiveness are at a peak (I am assuming because the participants have no other outlet for physical altercations within their office lifestyle), a losing record can be a real downer. When you come in on Monday morning and find that you have lost your matchup another week in a row, it can put a damper on the rest of the day/week/goddammit make it end!

If you cannot tell, I am speaking from experience. I am currently active (or inactive, depending on your definition) in 2 fantasy football leagues. I am in last place in both. This is far different from last year, in which I was my 1 league's champion (I currently have a trophy to remind me of this win, which I will be soon passing down to this year's champion). I am on a 4 loss and 2 loss streak in the respective leagues. It is horrid. The pain, the agony, the embarassment. It is incredibly sad that I am even writing about this, but it is a reality; an unseen consequence of the all hailed fantasy league. I'll be strong, accept my losses, and start prepping for next year's draft.

It's bad enough the work week starts on Monday, but a losing season only makes those steps into the office in the morning that much harder. I wonder if there is a correlation between fantasy football status and productivity. I would think leaders are happier and more productive while the laggers are unhappy and wasting time trying to make their team better. Somehow this could be used as a tool to improve offices as a whole. Now I'm not advising to rig leagues, but maybe an unproductive person could be given a great fantasy team? Just an idea...

So anyways, this year I will be sign up for FSA or Fantasy sports anonymous, to deal with my grief of yielding such horrible results. You know what? That's too much work, I'm just gonna sit here at my desk, mope, talk more trash about my rebound for next year and sulk in my dismal Monday anger/sadness.

PS, it's also raining out.

G'day.

I'm a big fan of Calvin and Hobbes. I think my admiration stems from Bill Watterson's technique of putting 'grown-up' dialogue and ideas into 8-year old situations. It is something about keeping that child shell, yet having that wisdom and experience of an adult that is attractive and interesting, not to mention hilarious. Anyways, I stumbled across this link to a commencement speech Mr. W gave at Kenyon College in Ohio. I actually read it yesterday after the I posted on this blog. As he well should, he does a much better job at getting at a similar idea I was trying to make. 'Tis a good read, check it out here.

Besides the great writing, C & H is a favorite for one big reason: snowmen. The creations in the comics were so inspiring, yet never duplicated. Yes, I tried, but it never looked the same or gave the same effect. Here's one of my favorites.



I could never get the mouths right, as to look like the snowman is screaming. Maybe it was the shadows. Well, winter is coming soon, so maybe this year I'll retry it with some black paint. Anywas, what sucks is that Calvin and Hobbes is no longer being made. The series has ended, and though you can buy every single printed strip in a nice boxed set, it is disappointing to know that something so good is no longer being produced. It is similar to when your favorite tv show gets cancelled, your favorite band disgroups, or your favorite author dies. You love the stuff that's been done, but in the typical greedy nature of humans (maybe just Americans?) you want more! It's just a bummer to know that it won't be happening. Emulations arise, and there will always be something new/better to grab your attention, but there will always be that weird empty feeling knowing that your favorite thing is gone for good. I think the only way to get over this is simply move on, find something new. It sucks that things end, but that's they way the world works, and too much mourning is good for no one.

I know this sounds a bit extreme, mourning over the ending of a comic strip, but I think this is relatable to many a situation. A certain amount of reminiscing is good, and the ever so often nostalgia is nice, but each passing item should be just that, in the past. Holding onto something gone only puts limits on yourself, locking you to a place in the past. I know some choose to be stuck and that's the way they want it, but if you want to keep going, there has to be the recognition of the idea of past, present, and future. I appreciate the past. I live in the present. Most importantly though, I am always looking forward to the future, simply because it is a good motivation to keep going when shit gets shitty. Even when the present is just 'blah', the future is always better and waiting. Especially now that I have the idea of using that black paint on snowman to that screaming effect just right, now that's something to look forward to.

Wasabe,

Around 7:20 last night, I was sitting down enjoying a delicious dinner and watching one of the greatest shows, animated or otherwise known to man, that being "The Simpsons". As many of us have, we know the show front to back, can quote lines before they happen, and just plain love the show. The episode last night involved Mr. Burns looking for an heir to his vast fortune. Fans know the episode I speak of, where C. Montgomery Burns holds heir auditions, chooses Bart, then Bart has trouble deciding between the material happiness Mr. Burns offers or the family love he has at home. Anyway, the plot line is besides the point. The epiphany I came to last night was that this show, much like every other formulated sitcom/drama/show on tv exists in a far too small universe. What I mean by this is that within a show, such as The Simpsons, every episodes crazy events happen to the same set of characters. For example, Homer has lived next to ex-presidents, been to space, solved crimes, held multiple jobs while still having the ol power plant to go back to, etc. What's worse is that all these crazy events are supported by the same cast of characters. If Homer is in a barbershop quartet, the other three are the trusty characters of Principal Skinner, Apu, and Barney. These same characters do everything.

I know this is how shows work. The whole point of a show is to keep the audience's interest in the main characters, and that requires many different comedic/dramatic situations to happen to them each time. The formula for the supporting characters allows the audience to connect and be familiar with them and understand them more (I bet this also saves on animation costs for the Simpsons, so they dont have to do new character designs each time).

My point is, I feel that people watching these shows are disillusioned into believing that their own reality will be similar in connectivity of experiences. For example, on Seinfeld, everytime one of the main characters walks down the streets of New York City, they run into someone they know. I might be wrong, but this is hardly a reality. In a city of 10 million, catching someone you know, even once a day, is highly questionable. I feel that this illusion of this closeness distorts the everyday man's expectations for his or her life. Think about it like this, there's a contest at your local McDonald's to win a free bike, or whatever they're giving away this week. The average man thinking of winning that bike doesn't expect to get it, but thinks his chances are still good. This is because his immediate reference is to the people in that Mickey D's, and maybe the surrounding MCD's in the area. This is skewed. In reality, there are thousands of McDonalds across the nation serving MILLIONS of people. When they flash that million dollar prize, that might be given to one person out of 200 MILLION. From all our television watching, we get this feeling of an inner circle, a community or group that belongs in its own universe. We create a world of our own characters that makes up our local reality. The problem is that there is so much more. Think about the number of people you pass in a day, driving next to you or in line in front of you, whom you have no single piece of knowledge about. Each of these people are also living in their own universe with their own set of characters. Disjointed in the mind, yet connected in the world. This is my realization of society.

Thinking about it, I imagine this is how society has been since the beginning of civilization. Every one has his own group to belong to and that world is their life. TV did not start this trend. I ask though, is TV strongly reinforcing the privatization of life in society and is it encouraging being content with one's small world? This question I am raising my stem from my own philosophy of getting the fullest experience out of this life, and being a part of everything I can. To me, holing yourself into a confined set of parameters in your life (some may calling it settling) is a waste of one's precious life. Is the fact that we see these characters on TV living a full life within their small world corrupting our idea of what reality is? I feel that this notion of things happening all the time within the same group of people distorts a viewer's desire to venture out into the world and search out these new experiences, for they are just waiting for them to happen within their familiar world. Routines develop, comfort sets in and before you know it, the window of opportunity has come and gone.

For some, perhaps this notion of routine and comfort is ideal. That inner circle of existance is more than enough, and there is no need for change. This just seems so empty to me. There is so much to the world, so so many people on it, and so so so many experiences outside of your known zone to be had. Perhaps this is why TV is so popular: it gives the viewer a chance to visualize these experiences through familiar others without leaving that comfort zone. Granted, this can be a welcome escape from a day's work, but problems arise when this becomes the crux of your interaction with the outside world. It's third person, not first. TV and books and magazines are great, but they will never beat the first person experience. I know this sounds lame, but go outside, go take a walk, meet someone new. Whether good or bad, your knowledge and understanding (and even appreciation) of life can only be deepened by it. The Simpsons is a great show, and TV a marvel of entertainment, but it is not reality. Reality is waiting outside the door.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Hey!

Around 12:30 this afternoon, I make the month-long awaited trek to my local Wacky-ovia. It's payday, ninjas! Now, it's lunch time, and I understand there are plenty of people in the area that have a similar errand written down on the mental lunchtime to-do list. So, I pull up to the bank and conveniently park right in front of the Automated Teller Machine to find it in miduse, so I wait patiently and enjoy my recently acquired Chiodos album. The patron finishes and I step out to use the machine next. As I punch the numbers and stuff my envelope (full of checks, the 's' indicating 2) a line develops behind me, waiting to use this machine. To note, this branch has another ATM about 15 feet further down the wall, which was also in use. My boeuf is with this newly formed line. I will give that the ATM was located 2 feet away from the main entrance to the bank, so an easy spot to start a line for use would be right behind it. But when it comes to financial matters, I feel a certain amount of personal space is required, nay, NECESSARY. It's bad enough when someone is looming behind you at a salad bar, let alone a place of personal information, and the ruler of the world, that being the institution known as money.

So me, the apathetic/passive type as usual says nothing and hurries to finish my transaction. I grab my receipt (which I always get, still not sure why) check the balance I already have calculated, and return to my car, conveniently parked in front as I mentioned earlier. I look back and notice that the line has shifted up, yet no extra space has been created. The guy behind the guy behind me has replaced him exactly, and another has taken his place.

My question is, am I alone in this feeling? How much space is appropriate for a line for an ATM. I can understand a single file line starting about 5 feet away. This is not a queue for fast food or football tickets. I make sure not to invade one's space when it is a concern of personal information, as there is nothing more awkward then the nonchalant slight hand covering, just in case the stranger has eyes of an eagle transplanted into his head. If I come to that crossroad, I go for the unnoticed body position shift, as to place the stranger, me and the object of information in a straight line, eclipsing the piercing view of my valued item.

What is great in this realm of topic is the rarely seen, though common in urban areas, ATM booth, where you enter a door and step into a one person box to conduct your activities. This is the ideal situation for this matter. Go in, you alone, do your business, and everyone knows where to stand and when you're done. Unfortunately, the typical bank design in the suburbs fares better for the driver and not the pedestrian, therefore the almighty booth is subverted for the ATM-in-the-wall that conveniently fits within the masonry of the bank's box layout. Now perhaps this is merely a derivative of time, meaning these older 'box' suburb banks are old, and if it isn't broke, it won't be fixed; letting newer banks being constructed have the luxury of designed ATM booths. This is fine with me, I just need to find a newer bank. But getting back to the original question, is there an inherent amount of space that shoudl be observed in cases like these or is this question a result of the overprivatization of our personal lives and the forced paranoia of identity and financial robbery and crime? Yeah, that last sentence sounded like it came right off a Fox News 10 o clock headline, but I think it raises a good point. Is every guy standing right behind you at an ATM looking to steal your PIN? Not likely. Is that why I dont want him right behind me? Not really. It's more of a 'get the f off me' feeling, as in 'you'll have your turn, give me some space'. There's something about closeness that increases stress and uneasiness. There has to be some sort of physics postulate about this. Think of the subway: you see a crowd inside the cars - immediate frown, you see an empty car - you smile as you actually get to sit down. I want that smile as I conduct my financially automated business. Respect the 5 feet!

Hola!

Just around 10:37 a.m., I question my stomach as to what it would like to be filled with come 12:33 p.m. Today's response was indeterminant, yet responsive in that it shall not be having another slice of greasy (yet delectible) Domino's pizza; whose miraculous 555 deal is far too tempting on a wasted weekend evening, especially when it arrives at your door, precongealed. So I have this so notion to go upon to reach my oh so important decision. Yes, this is an important decision, especially on a Monday such as this, where mood and morale can be bettered or deeply impaired by the quality of said lunch. Next item of inspiration: the wallet. I reach back to my left back pocket (yes, left back pocket; I am left-handed, therefore my wallet is on my back left and my belt end points to the right. Crazy!) and unfold my usual thin billfold to reveal a monstrous two Washington portraits. Oh wait, there they are, the plastics. They will have to do. Thank god for magnetic strips.

Though my monetary status is not an issue for me today, it is for my fellow drones here at my place of employment, and since I am such a huge fan of carpooling/office unity I decide to tag along to a destination of cheap nourishment. The choice du jour: the oft over and under-rated Taco Bell. I say this because at 2 am, you can't wait to get a CGC (cheesy gordita crunch) in your hands and relish in its complex texture and tastes, yet at 2 pm the next day, the thought of eating this again often leads to a retasting. I am fan, what can I say, though much like other fast food 'restaurants', is only palatable after a duration of restraint, that is to say, it can only be fully enjoyed when craved. Regular eating of any of this food is in plain words bad. We all know this, but those cravings come, whether they be Taco Bell or Hooters wings. Nothing prepared that quickly in that type of environment can be benefitial to the diameter of my arteries. Yet, here I am, stading in line at Casa de Taco (behind about 8 latino construction workers) waiting to satiate my need for microwaved nacho 'cheese'. Come to find out, this week/month/whatever's special food item is the new Chipotle Grilled Stufft Burrito. The fancy adver-spelling of 'Stufft' along with the authentic looking tag of 'chipotle' grabbed my attention (congratulations hard working TB ad team) and drew me in with the claim of 3 melted cheeses upon grilled chicken in a zesty sauce. Though I knew the 3 cheeses were most likely american, government and toe, I gave it a whirl. The combo came with a large drink and nachos, how could I turn that down for under 5 bucks? I got a CGC just in case this was better masonry material than food.

I hand the bilingual woman behind the counter my plastic magnetic-stripped square, then grab my 32 plastic cup and head to where the point of this droning piece of writing lies. As found in many fastfooderies, the beverages are self serve. This makes for easy refills, freedom of choice and my favorite, the ability for the clearly juvenile, yet often delicious 'suicides'. You know since you were a mere tot, facing that line of sodas for the first time, you asked yourself what kind of crazy soda wonderland would result from mixing a few drops from every single dispenser into one solitary cup. Often done, yet rarely fully enjoyed, the 'suicide' is often overpowered by Moutain Dew citrus and tastes a lot like Diet Pepsi with lemon. Nonetheless, the key is getting good tasting soda out of each liquid dispenser. When you go to your local convenience store and pick up a 20 oz of your chosen pop, you know exactly what to expect. The flavor of the syrup to soda water balance is a given. Bottlers keep this consistent and consumers are happy. This is not the case with soda fountains.

Restaurants' fountains are controlled manually, with the given indentured servant attempting to correctly flow the right amount of syrup and carbonated water through the fountain's tubes and into your cup. For most places, this works fine and the function is performed without a hitch. However this is not an absolute given, and the simple poured soda becomes a nuisance and ruination of your dining experience. Such was the case at today's Taco Bell. It was a typical busy lunchtime period and the hard working restauranteurs were already knee deep in the lunch crowd. I face the array of choices of the fountain, deciding upon the neon deliciousness of the Dew. I fill the bottom of my cup with ice, as too much is a waste of precious liquid holding space, and top the remaining 30 oz with ectoplasm colored sugar juice. Before lidding, I take a sip to find that the green tint is misleading, as my Dew tastes like dewdew (punny). The calculated combination of syrup and water is off, leaving my 32 cup filled with bitter tasting peewater. My compatriot who has also chosen dew, yet has performed the illadvised lidding-without-tasting is now poking his straw through to find another cup of dewdew. We exchange disgusted glances and nonverbally agree to head back over to the fountain for the much looked down-upon dumping of the soda. As I mentioned, the place is full of luncheoneers waiting for a flour wrapped beef swab, so there are plenty of people also retrieving their 32 oz of thirst quenching. As my fellow dew drinker and I ready for pouring, I get the usual odd/perturbed glances from those looking on. I feel required to give reason for my pouring, so I look up to someone who is willing to make eye contact with this vile soda pourer and explain that the 'dew is bad'. As soon as this is revealed, the looks diminish and the usual eyebrow lifting and 'hmm' puffing occurs. Pepsi is poured.

From the moment I tasted this mixed up Mountain Poo, my lunch is marred. How hard is it to make soda taste right? I know that the cost of soda is nothing, and that this is where the restaurants make a damn easy profit, but that is no excuse for a poor fountain. Cost of cup and soda: maybe 14 cents. Cost of quenching of thirst with a familiar delicious taste: invaluable to a meal. I thought better of mentioning this to the already overworked employees, so I merely poured a good, but not as good Wild Cherry Pepsi and hoped the knowledge of foul dew would pass down among the lunchgoers. I feel this is an untapped area of possible engineering accomplishment. If the fountain is a commonplace for mismatched syrup/water combos, then engineer a self sampling system. It will keep the customers happy, keep the value of the restaurant in order and make the 'fast' food dining experience that much more valuable.

Needless to say, 2 hours after my Chipotle burrito eating (not the Chipotle restaurant, which is certainly a secondary reason TB named its new item as such, to play off a better restaurant's popularity), I regretted my decision of lunch venue, having a stomach full of mortar and not a drop of Dew to wash it away. Nothing like mental and physical maladies to further ruin a Monday. To think this could be avoided with a simple tweaking of a nozzle. Perhaps a nozzle tweaker should be added to the list of valued restaurant employees. You already know that in a sit down restaurant, if you say "my soda doesn't taste right' that the replacement will become a soda float, fresh with loogie/booger/sneeze topping. Let's just skip this possibility altogether and get those soda fountains tested and sampled constantly. Imagine that being your job, soda tester. My face sprouted two new zits just thinking about it. Engineers and soda lovers rise and call for this needed breakthrough in beverage dispensing!