Along Comes 2012
2011 has come and passed and for many, it could not have happened soon enough. For myself, 2011 was a good year, highlighted by the birth of my son and all the time spent with him since. For others though, the year brought challenges and hardships that will most likely continue into this new year.
This is the base point of my reasoning of what my resolution for 2012 should be. Yes, I know new year's resolutions are passe and played out, but I think my choice this year will be worth the effort. My resolution for this year is empathy. For most incidents, I do my best to look at things from the point of view of the other person, to help see the nature of a conflict. Too often, however, things escalate too quickly and emotions take control. This is especially common behind the wheel, where the perpetrator is a faceless hunk of metal that has somehow inconvenienced me and my driving experience. But perhaps that driver is in a hurry somewhere to respond to an emergency. Maybe the driver is a lone senior citizen that is just trying to do his or her best to accomplish the tasks they need to that day. Maybe there is a screaming baby in the back of the car that is distracting the driver from making proper choices. Whatever the case may be, I, as an outside observer just doesn't know the details of the situation.
That being said, my ire and usual irresponsible reaction doesn't help the situation. I used to think that maybe I could teach the other person a lesson and that they would think twice in the future before doing that action again. I have concluded that this is naivete on my part. Instead, I should realize that we live in a complex world and we must do more to share it with each other instead of claiming it for ourselves. This may seem like a weak attitude in a world where selfishness and greed are seen as virtues, but if we do not realize our part as a society and choose only to see through the lenses of our own eyes, conflict will ultimately arise. Conflict leads to stress and hurt and further to unhappiness.
Like previous years, my goal for 2012 is to eliminate stress and worry points from my life. A lot of that stress and worry comes from conflicts with others. I am not foolish enough to believe that all my worries and conflicts will go away through patience and understanding, but much more will be alleviated than compounded if I choose empathy over offense. I also realize that this decision will be even more challenging because in most cases, the attitude will not be reciprocal. I will have to assume that I will not be treated with patience, but that I must be the better person and keep a cool demeanor. For similar reasons someone may be driving poorly, a person may disagree or react for reasons you don't fully understand. These unknown reasons may be either erroneous or actually legit, but whatever the reason, further escalating the argument is almost always counter-productive and should be prevented. Sometimes the reasons for disagreements will fundamentally be in opposition in which case a solution is not possible, but this does not mean conflict is inevitable. To me, understanding and respect can go a long way, and a little extra patience can dissolve a potential fight into an arrangement to disagree and have each party be okay with it.
I feel this is quite the task to take on, but isn't that the point of resolutions? If it is any consolation, I get the added benefit of knowing I have chosen the higher road and conducted myself with decency and compassion that I in turn would hope to expect from others. By this time next year, I hope to look back at 2012 and be proud of the choices I made as well as the impact I had on others. I get no joy out of extending conflicts with people, but I do gain happiness by making new contacts and meeting new people (a common resolution). I feel that empathy breeds respect and if I treat everyone with the respect that I would like to see for myself, I will be well on my way to my goal for less to stress and worry about; a happier me.
Happy 2012 everyone!
Relevant Bonus: Lifehacker adds a little help
More Bonus: Zen habits: Life Lessons (see #32), (great blog)
