I got Courted

A week or so ago, I opted to go into my local courthouse to contest a ticket I had received a few weeks prior. The ticket was for making a right-hand turn onto a one-way street at a time prohibited by a sign hanging above the intersection. It is my understanding that this sign exists to keep commuters from using these smaller streets as cut-throughs to get to the highway and to prevent any gridlock from forming at the intersections. Well, I had parked on that very street and was not cutting through, just traveling the most efficient way possible for me. So, I approached the intersection, saw that the way was clear and made the turn. The sign reads no right turn from 3 pm -6 pm, M-F. It was 330 pm on a Wednesday.

Sure enough, as I turned that corner, 2 police officers on motorcycles were on the side of the road just waiting for any sign ignorers. As soon as I straightened the car out, the officer walked into the street and waved me over. It was a typical trap, the officer barely had to move 5 feet. I pulled over, undoubtedly pissed off at the setup. The officer was polite as he wrote my ticket and listened to my explanation. He said it didn't matter if I had parked on that street, the law is the law. He said if I really wanted to use this street to get to the highway, I should go a block in the other direction and make two more rights to get on the street a ways up, where there is no sign. Basically what I heard was this sign is only here to make money for the city, not to really do much of anything to control traffic. I took my ticket and was astounded to see a $91 price tag associated with my offense. I was given the option to pre-pay or contest it in court. You better believe I would go to court. $91 dollars for a right turn? Really? Well, I would soon find out why the price was that high.

Back to me and my court appearance. I arrive at 930 in the morning to a court room full of traffic offenders (and a few more serious ones). The judge is a very agreeable, if not enthusiastic woman who is listening to every case and being very lenient. Most every offender there pleads guilty -with an explanation. The judge listens to each one and offers reduced fines or the opportunity to take traffic school to avoid points. My case was one of the last ones heard, so I had time to think about what I was to say. I got up and laid out my argument (guilty with an explanation was also my plea). The judge understood and since I had such a decent driving record, I opted not to do driving school and just pay the fine. She was okay with that and reduced the fine to $15. I immediately thought I did the right thing by showing up that morning. I was told 'just see the clerk to pay the fine and court costs'. Sure, no problem.

I walk out of the courtroom and over to the clerk's office. There is a line and I am noticing a trend of disgruntled faces as they walk away. This seems odd, because most everyone got a decent deal. Finally, it was my turn to pay. I approach and give my name. "That will be $76". What? The judge said $15. "That is correct, but you also must pay the $61 court fee for being in court today". Absolute garbage. I have to pay 2/3 of my original ticket just for stepping foot in the courtroom. That, and the $15 reduced fine. I have no alternative, so I reluctantly hand over my credit card. I can't help but think what a huge rip off the whole system is. Then, I realize why the judge was so happy to dole out the reduced fines: they were going to get almost as much money from us suckers anyway. I mean, at least I didn't have to pay the whole $91 and the court cost, but come on, this is just robbery. Furthermore, I realize the ticket costs themselves are originally so high because you are starting at a $61 base price for all these offenses.

The point I am trying to make is that it is no wonder that people have such an abhorrence for our legal system. First, you can get fined for doing things that a small piece of metal tells you not to, then you are given false hope that you can right this wrong only to be shaken down once more and made to realize you are powerless to do anything about it. In the end, the money isn't that much of a fine, it's just the associated hassle and headgames that result from these incidents. What really gets me is that the police officers know to just sit there and rake in the fines. I can understand enforcing that spot if the turn is causing gridlock or serious disruptions, but to fine people for the sole reason of 'that's what the sign says' is to me beyond ridiculous. It's like when your parents made you do something 'because I said so'. Those reasons can make kids hate their parents, and again, is why a lot of us hate the legal system: it is authorities abusing their power. Only in this case, if you fight back, you don't get grounded, you go to jail; and I will happily pay a fine to avoid that result. And they know that.

Burgernomics

In an effort to keep up with our national obsession with cheap-n'-shitty fast food, Burger King has just revealed a new deal for their BK Stacker burgers. The new deal is elementary in concept: $1 for a single stacker, $2 for a double and $3 for a triple. Basically, it's a dollar per patty. But as anyone with eyes and any cognitive ability may perceive, a burger is not just a patty. In this case it is also, bun, cheese and bacon. If you do a little math, you can see some inconsistency in what you're paying for.

On the BK site (BK.com), you can see exactly what you're getting when you order. Your $1 stacker is beef, bacon and cheese. When you go for the double, you not only get an extra patty, but also 1 extra half-strip of bacon (yes, that reads half-strip, apparently whole strips were just too much). When you go for the triple, you get the extra bacon with that third patty, but you also get a second slice of cheese. Quite the deal.

Except for the fact that you can 3 $1 burgers for the same price as the triple.

I am sure the geniuses at Burger King understand the impliations of this, but let me explain. With your $3, you can get (1) burger with 3 patties, 3 bacon (half)strips and 2 slices of cheese (and the accompanying condiments) OR you can get (3) burgers, totaling 3 patties, 6 (half)strips of bacon and 3 slices of cheese. For those who would rather not do math, that's 3 extra half strips of bacon and an extra slice of cheese as well as 2 whole burger buns more you would get if you buy these individually. For the logician, this seems like a grave mix-up for the accountants over at the Home of the Whopper.

The only reason I can think why the higher ups agreed to this is to appeal to the simple, convenience-oriented mind of American consumers. The appeal of 1-2-3 may lure in those burger eaters a bit more than say a marketing ad of 1.25-1.75-2.50 or something similar. It also may just be a way to make more money off their heavier patrons, as there may be more repeat business for the $3 fare if the correlation of fast-food trips to then high-calorie choices is true.

As you may know, I am concerned with the obesity of our fellow Americans and am constantly disappointed in how apathetic people are when it comes to weight. This new offering only continues the trend of cheap, un-nutritional food, available to be handed to you while you drive around in your motorized chair. Adding to the dearth of good choices is that these stackers have some sort of special sauce that I'm pretty sure is even less nutritional than your standard ketchup/mustard toppings. Add this to the fact that I'm pretty sure a normal cheeseburger costs more than a dollar, meaning you can get now more calories and more fat for your money. Gross.

Perhaps this new deal is just a temporary selling point to get people in the doors. Or, these burgers are so damn cheap to produce that it doesn't matter that the math doesn't make sense. If they can still make a profit on the $1 version, then anything else is just money in the bank. For the consumer, it's more weight in the tank and stomach and face. But if you decide you don't care about your health and still want that delicious stacker burger taste (I admit, they are kinda good), at least make the right economic decision. Then at least, you can burn some calories by deconstructing your individual burgers and reassembling the pieces into your own burger monstrosity. You gotta start somewhere.