Wack Commercial Roundup

I would like to dedicate this post to the adwizards out there who have inundated us with horrible commercials and advertisements. It seems as of late there have been a slew of uncreative, misleading and just plain garbage ads being played (see my earlier Brady post). Now I know the ads won't stop for the simple fact that we Americans will not stop watching tv or even just consuming goods as we are just so damn good at it. In any case, here's a quick rundown of some the more outstanding bad.

First up is the food tax information ad from the "Americans against food tax". Basically it is some frumpy housefrau whining about how her sugary drinks and snacks may be taxed by the government. Somehow this is switched around into how the government wants to control what you eat. All I hear is "don't tax my obesity". God forbid the extra cost of junk food may make you pick up an apple instead. Instead of saying anything about what the tax is really about, it all boils down to spin and fear about big government. Bottom line bullshit: "I have a right to my diabetes".

Next up, there is a chevy or gm ad about some kid running home and jumping in the back of his mom's car. He does this just in time, as the tailgate closes and 'his friends' don't catch him. Well, I am pretty sure that this commercial was entirely rewritten from its original concept. The beginning starts off with the main kid leaving school. Three other kids come out and say (noticeably overdubbed) "race you home". The kid then runs home and makes the aforementioned slide into the back of the van. The three kids wait outside the van, looking distraught while the main kid makes faces at them. Obviously this whole commercial was rewritten from a bully escape situation to a seemingly innocent race home. Is bullying too real of a subject? Did some old lady write in and say "My son was bullied in school, therefore I will not be buying your minivan"? I don't really even know my real problem with this ad other than it has definitely been changed from its original intent and seemingly for a real weiner-kid of a reason. Bottom line bullshit: "Bullies don't sell cars".

Next we have an ad I mostly hear on radio, this time about a bid for building fueling tankers between Boeing and EADS. First of all, I don't know why they are publicly advertising for influence on a government decision, but who knows, maybe they will reach someone who can make a difference. But what really gets me is the completely forced dialogue between the characters, attempting to disguise the discourse as conversational. There are situations where fake conversation is fitting. When you are pointing out the faults of a major industrial company with mechanical specifications, try something a bit more formal. I think what bothers me about this ad is that it is just a train wreck of bad decisions. Bottom line bullshit: "Maybe if I dumb this down enough, people won't care I am whining about bids for government jobs".

Finally, we have the latest oxiclean (or whatever they're selling) ad with famous pitchman Anthony Sullivan. His partner in sales, Billy Mays, shockingly died last year, thus ending the run of their show "Pitchmen". Well, I guess Billy Mays' face alone will sell shit, because this latest ad has a translucent portrait of Billy in the background giving his thumbs up approval while Tony slings the product. I don't know, it just seems pretty weak to keep that association going. There's nothing really wrong with it, it just seems in bad taste. At least wait a few years so it is not blatantly obvious you are using his image to move product. Bottom line bullshit "The beard sells".

At least with all these incidents, I can just change the channel; and I am sure with the upcoming holiday season, I will be treated with even more fodder to give my thumb extra exercise. Hooray capitalism.

October Gut

the month of October is relatively boring compared to the other months; fall is approaching meaning cool, comfortable temperatures, there are 31 days just like 6 other months and the only nationally recognized holiday is Columbus Day, which to most is less of a 'holiday' and more of a free day off work (for those who are lucky). In reality, October all boils down to Halloween. As soon as you hear October, you visualize a pumpkin, maybe with a face carved in it. Halloween is just a fun day for all (unless you are a devout Christian, in which case it is a celebration of the devil and you have to give out candy in thanks to the 'harvest season' or God's triumph or some baloney). Kids dress up, grownups dress up (often skankily) and candy and shenanigans are had by all.

Of course the world of merchandise knows this, allowing many stores to start selling for the day of fun long before October even arrives. One of the easiest places to recognize this phenomena is in your local grocery store or pharmacy. As soon as you enter the store, the piles and piles of Halloween candy are presented to you like the inside of Scrooge McDuck's vault. It is hard to resist the allure of bright packaging and the promise of sugary treats within. The most attractive part of it all is the fact that Halloween candy is often 'fun-sized' or in miniature form, allowing you to believe that your future indulgences aren't nearly as bad as the full size candies.

Well, herein lies my issue. I heart candy. My house usually has a bowl of some sort of confection lying around and this fact is amplified come October. Sure, I may say the extra bag I pick up at the store is just in preparation for the soon to be visiting kids, but in reality, this precautionary bag is gone long before the end of the month. This replenishing may even happen more than once, as the temptation of those little candy bars within arms reach are too tempting to pass up. So, long story short, October becomes the month of consuming 5 bags of mini sized candy bars and all the sugar and calories that go along with it all, in the spirit of preparing for a day of fun (done for the kids, surely).

Knowing this, I also find it interesting that the following two months are recognized by large gorging events near the month's end. Maybe it is all designed to put that extra layer of fat on before the cold winter months arrive. I will just remember to say that to myself as rationalization for the next time I casually reach over and grab another Butterfinger (fun size of course).