A Note to Pillsbury

Dear Pillsbury,

I enjoy pretty much everything you offer in your 'toaster strudel' line of product. The taste is great, it's real convenient, and your breakfast pastries don't end up in ridiculous stacks that fall out of my locker when I open the door. In other words, thank you for a great breakfast choice.

However, I have one major gripe to express to you. Can you please, please fix the perforations on the strip of icing packets? Please? I acknowledge the need on your part to make producing this product as cost efficient as possible, therefore your inclusion of 6 packets of icing on one continuous strip. This makes it easier to locate the icing packets in the box and keeps most of us consumers from accidentally losing a very valuable sack of sugary topping. Unfortunately, the current set up on your perforating machine leaves something to be desired. It is clear where I, the consumer, need to tear the string of packets in order to break off on for a nice breakfast treat, but due to the flimsiness of your plastic, I more often than not do not result in an even break. What usually happens is that the tear starts on the perforated line, then very easily slips to tearing the packet itself and then down the side of the icing pouch to the bottom. No longer do I need to tear off the reservoir tip (or whatever you would prefer call it in case 'reservoir tip' is too explicit) because I have a huge hole on the side of my packet that will alternatively let my icing free. Now that I have this accidental hole on the side, I no longer have the nice channel for icing to flow through, resulting in not a fancy lined design shown here, but rather a large glop of icing in the middle that I must now spread like butter or margarine on my flaky pastry.

This is denying me a major attraction of the toaster strudel. Being artistic in nature, I enjoy creating a good design on my strudel, with a zig zag here and a spiral there, each strudel being a different design. Instead, I too often get a boring image of a white rectangle, where I was forced to spread the icing like any other breakfast spread.

This could all be fixed by simple tinkering. Increase the perforations or reinforce the sides of the icing pouch. Pretty simple, and the quality of your product is consistent for each of the 6 delicious strudels. I will no longer have to take more time carefully breaking icing packets than actually toasting the strudel. I will no longer have to feel that moment of disappointment when I realize today's mental design for icing will not be able to come to fruition.

Thank you.

PS. Your strawberry and cream cheese filled strudels are the shiznittlebomb.

Mein Coif

Before I get into today's witticism, I would like to point out that this is the 50th entry into MCP, a milestone I certainly had doubts I would reach. Surprisingly, my desire to write about this and that has continued on beyond that initial moment of inspiration and continues to spill forth on these virtual pages, of which I could not be happier.

While we are on the subject of me, let me continue to discuss more about me.

I consider myself to be of average height, perhaps a smaller build, but pretty average overall. Aiding in that claim of average is my choice of haircut, and by choice, I mean I can go into any cuttery and just say "haircut" and it comes out the same. It's the typical young professional guy style; short on the sides and back, with just a bit of length on the top and front. I call this patch of length 'the expression zone' and the object of today's thoughts.

Nothing can be considered a more crucial facial accessory than facial hair, but for the whitey-white Irish blooded, actually growing this hair of the face into an acceptable, reasonable look is quite the challenge. I know I am not a fan of patchy scraggliness, so I doubt anyone looking at me and the scraggles are either. What results is a much higher focus on the aforementioned 'zone' atop my forehead. It's a manageable little tuft that can swing to the side, stick straight up, wave in a multitude of directions, or just hang limply and lifeless (make your own simile). What I have noticed is that whatever this area of hair is up to that day, my emotional, mental or physical mood is similar in status.

Weekends are usually the best time to catch this phenomenon in action. Often, quite often, I will awake with a morning malaise, no doubt incurred by the previous night's shenanigans. If not given away by the expression on my face, my forehead hair will admittedly tell the tale. Out of place, matted, and swirled all over, it's obvious there is a person underneath hurting on the inside. On the contrary, on those rare mornings where the sun is shining and I'm ready to conquer the world, the 'EZ' will slightly rise and shape itself into one damn good looking wisp of follicles. My status is then supplemented by the reflection I view in the mirror. Surprisingly (and this is what made me think of writing this piece), I seem to able to alter my feelings by adjusting that little patch above my eyes. Now, it's not anything miraculous, but it does have an effect. A simple brush to the side, a gentle tousing, or my favorite, a scalp messaging finger run through to ease some tension, all help to rejuvenate an earlier lesser state.

What I am wondering is whether this is purely my own vain self-importance or is it that making yourself appear more attractive (to yourself, and it turn, others) actually make you feel better. I personally have no way of altering my facial appearance (no makeup, no jewelry, no facial hair - damn patches), so this forehead beard is the only area I have to mix things up and determine whether I am looking really really ridiculously good or not. So, I fumble with my hair, I flash a LaTigra and I'm feeling better about myself. I abhor the fashion industry and the self-importance therein, and was never really concerned about external appearances, but I'm starting to rethink the value of feeling attractive. Granted, fashion and attractiveness do not necessarily have to be related, as self-confidence is a far better partner of attractiveness than fashion, but appearance is always in front of us (literally) and even the smallest effort can pay off. I am fortunate enough to be quite confident in my self and my standing, but that little extra superficial effort actually appears worthwhile.

I guess my point is to take the extra second and gaze lovingly at yourself in the morning. Change what you need, but I am putting forth that liking (or not liking) what you see will affect your disposition for the rest of the day. There's no cure for ugly, but at least there's a new hairstyle.